201: I feel like Sleeping Beauty:/not alive, not dead, not awake, not asleep...

I feel like Sleeping Beauty:

not alive, not dead, not awake, not asleep

but asleep — unconscious

               some one kiss me!

I want contact

               but I want to go beyond kissing

               and I want to go beyond contact

I want to grow beyond what is ordinary

beyond what we can understand

I want my life to be a living fantasy

I want to go beyond Narnia and Neverland

I want to go where the “never-can-be” is

all you can see

I want to go past work, and my sore back, and my dirty finger nails,

              my worn clothes, my broken promises, and all my lies

I want to go past all my repetitions, all my failures

I want to go past me

               and become the me

               that is not me

               but the me

               I should be

               If I let myself be

me and not the concrete shadow I’ve

fooled myself to believe

I’m trapped in

I want everything to fit

but I want to go past shape

I feel like the world is using the wrong kind of geometry

I don’t fit in it right

              or it doesn’t fit me correctly

I’m all constrained by all these

             rules/laws that are just suppositions that

I had no part in

I don’t remember agreeing to this

I want to decline the sublime

               but instead to travel beyond space and time

I want to climb up to and even past the divine.

I want to

shine.

Shine until there is no sign of any construct or design.

Shine until there is no line left

                to define anything to do with a “yours” or “mine.”

Shine until there is nothing but

shine, and then

I want to go past shining

want to go past light and leave it behind

want to go past physics

want to go past anything knowable

The universe is not big enough for me

it is a micron of what I want to be

I want to go beyond

what is visible, what you can see

I want to go beyond/what is, what can be

I want to go

past this mic

past you, past me

past all this identity

I want to get beyond, beyond

I want to do everything

I want to go everywhere

I want to do both at once!

I want to go

I want to go

I want to go past going

and become becoming

I want to go past going

and be the next coming

I want to go past all the weather

I want to rise up out of

                          up past the rain

rise like a sun

rise like a sun

rise like a sun to burn and shine

If I’m not on fire, I want to be on fire

I want to go past combustion

go past flame

go past light

I want to go

I want to go

I want to go and be the next coming(becoming)

I want to go, go, go, go, go!, go!!, go!!!

I want to go past go/I want to be going

I want to go past being

              go past becoming

I don’t want to merely “be”

I want to go

               beyond voice

I want to break

               into the unsayable

I want to go

               beyond the limits of language

I want to break

through the circle of speech

I want to go past religion

go past being faithful

want to go past god

I’m not talking about transcending

I’m talking about finally being a part — joined

Here it is, here it is

this is the simplest way I can say it:

I am not here

I am not I (not me)

what is here is

               the everything beyond everything

                              and

               the everything between everything

that is MORE than all the somethings

and is LESS than all the nothing

I am not here

I am not here

               Here there is only

                             Gone/Going/Becoming/ SHAHASA

Help me/Kill me

give me/ what (do) I need to be shahasa

give it to me

give it to me

               shahasa

please help me

              shahasa

I feel like Sleeping Beauty

not alive! not dead! not awake! not asleep!

Shahasa Kiss Me!

                 kiss me

                 kiss me

                 kiss me

Give me what I need to be Shahasa!

Shahasa,

                kiss me!

©2011 by Jonathan Neske

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