249: I wanted to talk to you tonight/I wanted a conversation, thick...

I wanted to talk to you tonight

I wanted a conversation, thick

like a steak -- or a really stale

tofu burger (if you're vegan)

I roam your web page and turn on my messenger,

but the vacancy is consistent

persistent

          Well, those two words

are a bit dramatic, but

you know what I mean.

I mean

          I wanted to talk to you

about things, about nothing--

we don't know each other except

through our over constructed words,

and it seems like we don't know each other

          and I wanted that to change.

I wonder how long it would take me

to drive to Illinois --

is that a red state or a blue state?

I might not want to go there if it is a red state, but

           that's silly

Of course I want to go there, otherwise

that last stanza was just a lie,

and it isn't.

I guess I've become too used to California

You say you're a gypsy...

why don't you come out here?

God, we could eat Chinese at

the House of Nanking -- best sesame chicken ever --

(and I don't care if you're vegan this time

         -- you have to have it)

in San Francisco

San Francisco

even the name sounds like home,

even though I've never lived there --

and of course we'd talk and explore

both verbally as we explored the city

physically.

Maybe I'm just homesick for a condition that

is no longer much a part of my life.

That hanging around the dorm

talking all night

          background music 

                    (slightly

drunk

               on something

     sweet)

just talking

I admit I miss that, I miss it more than I know

                                                 but

I miss you, too

           and that's weird

since we've never met,

     but I guess we know each other kinda

I know I like you,

     I like to think

that you like me

Your poetry has changed.

I meant to tell you I've noticed.

It's not as abstract as it used to be.

I think you must have noticed, too.

Did it happen all at once,

or was it gradual?

When mine changed it

happened in an enlightening flash

          just one moment everything was different

and it's been like that ever since

and I know what caused it, too,

          do you? -- I mean about yours,

          not mine.

I wonder what you're going to say about all this.

But I'm smiling, because

well because

            I think you'll

like this conversation poem

this spontaneous writing

with a

          who cares

                     if anyone else

thinks this is a poem

or not

          we know

we know, don't we?

Why am I suddenly connected to you,

and what tied the knot, and

how long will it hold?

Questions, questions....

let's play at questions

     They're just a circle of

     thought that lead you around like

     a dog chasing its tale

          and the divine laughs at us

     chasing our questions like

     there are any answers outside

of our illusions

     so carefully constructed

     (because they are so hard to knock down

          until you just stop trying

and just turn them off

     like a bad television show)

Hey, Kate...

where are you tonight, and

     are you okay?

This pitiful poem is calling out to you

tonight, and

there

           is no answer,

tonight

                     but

            (I wonder)

what

     your answer will be?

©2011 by Jonathan Neske

All rights reserved.

www.neske.biz